I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
