For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
