Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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