My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You don't make any sense
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