I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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