The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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