Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
