do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I am mentally ready for anal.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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