Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Randomize
