i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
