I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
