What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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