I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
