I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
