I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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