I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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