If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
