My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
