Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
