he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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