Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
