I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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