All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
