I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
