Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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