I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
