dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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