totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
