doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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