and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
