I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
