You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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