Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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