I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
