Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
