i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
