lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
