found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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