the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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