man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
