Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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