btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
