I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
