Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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