I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
