Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
this is an emotional support booty call
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
