I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
