Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
