i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
