I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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