we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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