I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
