Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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